In this interview, Suhaiba Neill shares how trusting her intuition, embracing community, and taking action through fear have helped her create a life and career rooted in authenticity.
Put Yourself First to Serve Everyone Else
When you think of designing a life that you love, what does it look like for you?
I am now at a point in my life where I have a bit more flexibility than I did when my daughter was little. I was blessed that my mother taught preschool and retired right before my daughter was born, so my daughter never had to go to daycare. She was with my mom when I went back to work, and since I worked in a family business, there was some built-in flexibility there as well.
I used to tease that I was a “separator.” Work was work, and home was home. Every once in a while, if my daughter had to come to the office with me after school, I would get so anxious because she was in my workspace. Over the years, I evolved and got better at managing that overlap.
Working in a family business throughout her childhood gave me the flexibility not to miss important moments, but that flexibility also came with a lot of responsibility. When you work for someone else and you are one of many employees, taking time away is not as big of a deal. But if you are second-in-command in a family business, everybody is relying on you.
Today, I work a hybrid schedule. I work from home some days and go into the office when I need to be there. I have learned what works best for me, and I have given myself the grace to use that model. I am not a morning person. In the painting industry, the workday often starts at 7:00 AM, but I am simply not functional at that hour. Instead, I work a later shift, which actually works out well because someone is always available to answer the phone at the end of the day.
It took some internal conflict resolution to realize that as long as I am putting in an eight to ten hour day and getting the work done, the exact hours do not matter as long as things are not strictly deadline-driven. I have gotten much better about honoring how I work best. I do a long chunk of work in the morning, and around two o’clock I take a break to walk my dogs. They know the schedule, so they will come nudge me if I am still plugging away. That 20-minute walk acts as a mental rest and reset. If I am stuck on a problem, the solution usually comes to me while I am walking, and then I can go back to my desk and tackle another big block of work.
I always tease that as a wife, mother, daughter, and sister, you can easily end up last on the list. You do not always put yourself first or do what you need to do for your own success. I have definitely shifted my mindset to ask: What do I need? What works best for me? From there, I arrange everything else around those answers. Everyone is happier that way, because if mom is not happy, nobody is happy.
Build Your Tribe to Stay Accountable
How has community been a part of your leadership journey to this point?
I have always found or created a community in whatever endeavor I gravitate toward. I am mixed race, which is not always obvious to people. My mom is Black and my dad is white, and I grew up closely connected to both sides of my family and the African American community. Family is everything to me. Most of my mom’s side of the family still lives in the Philadelphia area, so we see each other all the time and gather at my mom’s house, since she is the main host for everything now. Having that strong family foundation and being close with my brothers has been foundational.
I also belong to a very strong spiritual community where I am still close with childhood friends I grew up with. On top of that, I am a huge sports person. I was a three-season athlete and played golf and tennis on the side. Being on a team continually reinforced that sense of community for me.
Whenever I start something new, my instinct is to find a group of people who are already doing it. When I started writing, I attended a conference where another attendee remarked that writing was such a lonely profession. I was surprised by that because I had belonged to a writing group from the moment I got serious about it. We met every other week for ten years with an amazing mentor.
When I transitioned into leadership work, I started seeking out more women’s groups. Having grown up with brothers and worked primarily in male-dominated industries, it has been wonderful to build a strong network of female friends. I have always been good at finding my tribe when venturing into new territory. While I am very capable of sitting down and doing my work independently, I need that external support for accountability. If you want to finish something big, new, and challenging, having support and accountability is essential.
Follow Your Energy Instead of the Paycheck
How would you define success today?
Success is doing work that brings me joy. Over the past couple of years in particular, I have focused on following my energy. Engaging in things that completely drain me is not sustainable long-term, so I have had to figure out how to delegate those tasks. Delegating is really hard for me, but I am improving. I hired a virtual assistant, and slowly but surely, I have handed tasks over to her. She is doing a fantastic job.
What truly fills my cup is being helpful, alongside my love for learning. If I learn something useful and can share it with others, that is my absolute sweet spot. I am completely fine with being tired at the end of the day, as long as it is a “good tired” rather than feeling mentally drained.
Success also means maintaining flexibility. When my daughter was a junior in college, she had Fridays off from class, so she was home quite a bit on those days. I literally blocked off my calendar from 2:00 to 3:00 PM every Friday for “Lunch with the Boss.” She was the boss, and she got to decide where we went and what we ate. It was a brief break in my workday, but it was invaluable time spent together. I would just work an extra hour later that evening to make up for it, and that was perfectly fine.
Success is really about finding that balance of keeping yourself happy and feeling fulfilled in what you are doing. Thankfully, the focus has shifted away from purely monetary metrics. Money is still important because you need it to live, but I do not view it as the ultimate benchmark for what success looks like anymore.
Push Through Fear with Physical Action
What keeps women from leaning into opportunities presented to them? And how do we encourage them to take more risks?
The short answer is fear, which is actually the subject of the very first chapter of my book, titled Be Fearless. Whenever I speak publicly, fear is the first lesson I address. If you cannot find the courage to push through fear, you cannot move forward with anything else.
I always tell people that the only way through fear is action. When speaking to younger girls, I will physically take two steps forward to demonstrate that you simply have to start and take that first step.
Growing up with brothers made me fairly fearless as a kid. I was also blessed with an incredible mother. Whenever any of us wanted to try something new, she would ask, “What do we need to do to make it happen?” She never did the legwork for us, but she offered unwavering support. That made new challenges feel much less terrifying because we knew she would step in if necessary. She consistently encouraged and pushed us in a positive way.
It is funny because I do not view my current self as being as fearless as I used to be. In middle school, I played field hockey. Nobody wanted to be the goalie, so I volunteered, even though I was the smallest person on the team. I put on the pads and turned out to be really good at it. Later in high school, I switched to soccer due to back issues. Once again, nobody wanted to play goalie, so I stepped up.
My fearlessness may have shifted as I have aged, but having an accountability partner has made a massive difference when taking on major projects. I am currently finishing a massive three-year project, and midway through, I wanted to quit. My friend stepped in and said, “No, you are not quitting,” and helped push me through to the finish line. When you hit a wall, you need someone on the outside who can see how far you have come when you cannot see the finish line yourself.
While I wrote my book on leadership specifically for women, I tease that smart men should read it as well because the principles apply universally, and it offers a valuable perspective. It reflects leadership from the viewpoint of a woman working in male-dominated industries.
It takes confidence to be first, but someone has to do it. When you model that courage, it makes it easier for the next woman to step up and pursue what she is meant to do. I have always tried to take a deep breath, push through the fear, take that first step, and trust that the rest will follow.
Turn Everyday Chaos into Simple Systems
What habits allow you to reach your definition of success?
I tease that I probably have a touch of ADD—my dad definitely does—but I am also extremely disciplined. One of my friends told me that my superpower is consistency. I have a close friend whom I have texted every single Friday night for years. I also joke that being a Taurus makes me fiercely loyal. Once we are friends, we are friends for life.
Additionally, if I start a project, I am compelled to finish it, even if I never want to do it again. I am very disciplined in that way.
I did not fully realize this trait until I built out all the operational systems for our company and shared them with others in our industry. When I asked if their minds worked the same way, they said no. To me, the world is a puzzle, and I am constantly figuring out how the pieces fit together most efficiently. My natural inclination is to process everything by asking: How can I make this as simple as possible, as easy as possible, repeatable, and universal so anyone can use it?
I have figured out the routines that serve me best. I always write tomorrow’s to-do list at the end of the workday today so I do not have to carry it in my head overnight. When I sit down at my desk the next morning, my list is ready and prioritized by order of importance. Establishing a clear process for every task and staying consistent with it is my primary habit.
Listen to Your Body Before Your Brain
What is a hard lesson you have had to learn over the years?
Trust your gut. Women’s intuition is real, yet people frequently try to dismiss it. Every single time I have ignored that subtle inner voice, I have lived to regret it.
Your physical body reacts much faster than your brain. What you feel initially in your body is real. By the time that signal reaches your brain, your mind is already trying to rationalize or talk you out of what you felt. People usually end up listening to their brain because it is the last voice they hear, even though their body was giving them the correct answer first. It is just like taking a multiple-choice test: your first instinct is usually the right one.
I am much better at honoring my intuition now, but there are still moments when my gut tells me one thing, an outside voice offers an opinion, and I allow myself to be swayed. I always kick myself later when that happens. Learning to trust your gut implicitly is a vital lesson, especially for women.
Never Lose Yourself for Other People
What piece of advice would you give to your younger self?
Do not lose yourself.
Throughout my life as a sister, daughter, wife, stepmother, and mother, I have experienced the natural ebb and flow of being at the center of everyone else’s needs. I have definitely lost my own identity a few times along the way. To some extent that is inevitable, but the sooner you recognize it, the better off you are.
The core of the leadership work I do today centers on authentic self-leadership. I want to show up as my true self every single time. Everyone has a bad day occasionally, but for the most part, the person I am right now is the exact same person I am with a stranger at the grocery store or anywhere else. Showing up authentically is both the most comfortable way to live and the most helpful way to serve others.
My advice is to pay close attention as relationships evolve and life roles shift. Make sure you remain yourself at the root of it all. Do not bend or twist yourself out of shape just to make yourself more palatable to someone else. Stay true, and stay real.
Meet Suhaiba Neill
Suhaiba Neill is an author, speaker, consultant, and certified behavioral assessment specialist. She is the owner of The Full Circle Business, a consulting company founded to help fellow business owners get from “stressed to streamlined.”
Her book, Like A Girl: 22 Leadership Lessons for Women on the Rise, is a distillation of the knowledge and wisdom she gained through her journey into leadership working in three male-dominated industries. As a “People & Process” specialist, she combines her knack for systems with her assessment training and leadership insights to deliver comprehensive results for her clients.
Habituelle is proud to partner with the Fitler Club on The Stories—a shared commitment to elevating the voices of women leaders and creating space for the conversations, connections, and stories that inspire meaningful change.
